NPD?: A Cell Story
by Ayane Yokosuka
Summary: Cell finds out something we've already known! No pairing. Just humor and hysteria! I love psychology...
1. ChiChi Says

Ayane: …I can't believe this…

Hiei: …

Ayane: I can't believe I'm back with another Cell fic… I can't believe I got this idea and began writing it while going over psychological disorders in my Advanced Placement Psychology class… I can't believe that after I've said time and again no more Cell fics… I… UGH!

Hiei: O.O"

Ayane: …I need laid…

Kurama: On that note… Lady Ayane does not own DBZ or Lady Nisi's OC Cherry Hughes. She owns Misa Misora – her own OC – and this interesting plot…

Ayane: CAN IT, KIT!

* * *

**NPD!: A Cell Story**

"_Me? A narcissist?"_

"_Yes, Cell, you. There's therapy for that, you know." Chi-Chi was standing at the kitchen sink, washing some dishes._

"_Do you not approve, my dear?" He ran his fingers gently down her arms. He smirked when he felt her shiver under his touch. She suddenly pulled away to turn and glare at him._

"_Actually, Cell, I don't."_

"…You have to be kidding me…"

A contemptuous smirk stared across the room at Cell. She had been the only one who would not run when the world heard that the infamous Cell needed a therapist.

Cherry Hughes.

"Now _Cell_," she stressed his name, "please tell me why you are here."

"Hmph. You know very well why I am here, Miss Hughes. Son Chi-Chi took the liberty of writing all of it down."

She chuckled silently to herself, pretending to examine the papers. "Ah, yes… You're a conceited twat. How many lays did it take for her to realize that one?" She was testing his patience and loving every second of it.

"Miss Hughes, if you would kindly—"

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm sorry, Mister Cell. I was just going back to the arena is all (1). It was very unprofessional of me." She cleared her throat and the air around her quickly changes to seriousness. "Now, Cell, the problem with you is exactly as Mrs. Son has stated. You do, in fact, have Narcissistic Personality Disorder."

Cell had been admiring his reflection in the window until the word "disorder" fell from her mouth. He glared.

"Are you suggesting, my dear, that I am anything less than perfect?"

Cherry sighed. "See, Cell, herein lies the root of your problem. You think that the world revolves around you."

"But it does, miss Hughes," he responded, a cocky yet confused smirk on his face. "If I told the world to stop it would on a dime."

"…Mmm-hmm…" Cherry's eyes darted from Cell to the notepad she was scribbling furiously in. "Would it really now?"

He jerked his chin up and chuckled at her absurd question. "Miss Hughes, it is proven by the fact that everyone and everything on this blasted planet fears me."

"Except for Misa, Goku, Chi-Chi, Zangya, Gohan, the other Z fighters, Piza, me… The list goes on and on, Cell. So I ask you again: Would the world really stand still for you?"

He had lost his cockiness and just looked annoyed now. "Hn. If I would destroy those few people, yes," he muttered.

"Good, good. We're making progress. Well… sort of." Cherry smiled as she glanced at the clock. "And just in time, too! I was afraid we wouldn't make a breakthrough by the end of this session!" She knew that although he had not come right out and said it, he now knew the world would not stop for him. He would not kill the people she had listed – he could not.

"Are we finished?" he interrupted her thoughts.

"For today, yes. Have a good day, Cell." She grinned and opened the door wide for him and his slightly-deflated ego. "See you next week!"

"Do not fool yourself, my dear," he scoffed. He flew off, agitated by the situation.

Maybe Son Chi-Chi and Cherry Hughes were right…

He shrugged the idea off and went to the one person kind enough to not judge him unless he was killing innocent people: Misa Misora.

* * *

(1)- Read "Curiosity". Basically, Misa and Cherry were his hostages all throughout the Cell Games and what-not…

Ayane: …There may be subsequent chapters if I get enough reviews… I'd say about 10 or more

Hiei: -_-"

Ayane: Whaaaaat?

Hiei: Pay attention in class, Onna

Ayane: …You sound like Kurama. Osuwari!

Hiei: (falls to ground) What the—?"

Ayane: (giggles) Thank you, Kagome Higurashi! This necklace brought to you by: Kagome's rotting corpse. Enjoy. :]

Hiei: -_-"

Kurama: R&R! :D


	2. Misa Says

Ayane: I know I said ten reviews and I'd return, but… (twitches) I can't help it!

Hiei: Hn.

Ayane: …You're in the wrong anime…

Hiei: You're the one writing, Onna

Ayane: True… (sweatdrops) Sorry, Hiei-dono… I drag you into this… T.T

Hiei: -_-"

Kurama: Don't cry, Lady Ayane!

Ayane: I drag you here, too! Waiiiii!

Goten and Trunks: Yan doesn't own DBZ! Read and review!

* * *

**NPD?: A Cell Story**

**Misa Says…**

"_No, Cell, Cherry's right!"_

_Cell stopped his advances on the young black haired girl and stared at her. "Pardon me, Miss Misora…?" he whispered. Misa was too nice to insult anyone for any reason. Her friend, Cherry, was the one who did that. "Miss Misora, what are you talking about?"_

_Misa stared him straight in the eye and responded, "You're narcissistic."_

"Ah, Cell, I see you're back and doing well… Actually, you look awful… Are you a right? What happened?" Cherry, her professional self, leaned forward in her chair to look at him. Her small frame only seemed smaller when compared to the chair.

Cell refused to look her in the eyes and said in a forced off-handed way, "Miss Misora… she agrees with you and Son Chi-Chi…"

Cherry blinked and sat back slowly. "She told you this? Wait. What exactly did she say?"

He glowered at her and refused to speak.

"Oh, well. I'll get it out of her later. Anyway, you seem quite upset about this. Just last week you insisted nothing was wrong with you."

A sigh left his lips as he remembered the look on Misa's face. She was completely serious and seemed truly annoyed with him… "But it's Miss Misora, Miss Hughes…" he explained vaguely, knowing she understood.

"Yes, Misa isn't like that. I know what you mean. If Misa would tell anyone they had a problem they would probably take it to heart. Especially if she means it. Now, Cell, there are a few things we need to go over in this session. You will have to assist me in figuring out what you want to discuss in our sessions. I was thinking a lot about how you thought the world revolved around you."

"Oh?" He seemed uninterested in what she was saying. He was staring into space.

She sweat dropped and shook her head at him. "Cell, you have to focus. I know it's upsetting when Misa says things like that because when she says something like that you know it's the truth. So I can understand why—"

"What's wrong with being narcissistic anyway?" he burst out suddenly. "What in the world is so wrong with it? You should love yourself, anyway, from what you have read to me from those silly textbooks!"

Cherry was writing in her notepad again, grinning. She could not believe he had remembered that! "But, Cell, there is a limit to how much you _should_ love yourself. You think everyone is beneath you so you belittle them. When you belittle them you push them away and they begin to resent you. Before you know it you have nobody but yourself. Remember how that was, Cell? You told Misa and me yourself it was quite unpleasant."

He nodded and regained his composure. "If you help me… then…"

"Then Misa will no longer be that way towards you and you will not be pushing anyone away. You will keep those you have formed… _attachments_ with."

He nodded and smirked at her. "Thank you, my dear. Really. If Miss Misora says something is wrong then it must be so."

She grumbled, "Why didn't she mention it to him earlier?"

"Now I must depart. This foolish therapy session is wasting my time."

She did a little anime-style fall onto her head as he flew out the window. Once she stood she raced to the window and shouted out, "This 'foolish therapy session' isn't gonna help if you don't let it!" She knew he was long gone but could still hear her no matter how far away he had gotten.

Idiot android.

Cell chuckled as he returned to a familiar clearing in the forest. This was where he and Zangya had had an intimate moment. She would not return again, of course, but this had been his thinking spot way before that incident.

Was this therapy stuff really worth it? He remembered the look on both Chi-Chi's and Misa's faces when they told him he had a problem. They were concerned, serious and a bit angry from what it seemed.

Yeah. It was worth it.

* * *

Ayane: Wow! It's all done!

Hiei: Hn…

Ayane: The next chapter will be the last!

Kurama: (sighs) Lady Ayane…

Ayane: Read and review!

Draco: Work on _my_ story!

Ayane: (glares) Spoiled brat…


	3. And the Verdict is

Ayane: For empress-seru and Nisiyouri, here is the third and _final_ chapter of "NPD?: A Cell Story"! (cheers)

All the past visitors: O.O"

Ayane: You guys are killjoys! (pouts)

Draco: But my story…

Hiei: Hn. Waste of time…

Kurama: Bad for your health, Lady Ayane…

Goten and Trunks: There's _us_, too!

Ayane: Draco, stop whining. Hiei, stop being a jerk. Kurama, stop mothering me. Goten and Trunks, how can I write a story with you guys and an OC if I don't have a damn description for the OC? (furious)

Cell: Miss Ayane, please… Calm down and get back to _this_ fiction… (grins)

Ayane: (glares) I hate you the most…

Misa and Cherry: Ayane only owns Misa! Nisi owns Cherry!

* * *

**NPD?: A Cell Story**

**And the Verdict is…**

"_So we're all agreed then?" everyone's bravest therapist asked the room._

"_Yes," a chorus of voices answered. Among the group was Son Chi-Chi and Misa Misora. This was the best plan Cherry Hughes had ever thought of._

_Cherry grinned at the audience. "His next session is tomorrow afternoon at three. The first to walk in will be the women, of course, single file. The line will go as follows: Misa, Chi-Chi, Zangya," she continued listing names, finishing up the females and going over the males. "And I will finish it up, being his therapist and all. I will reiterate what you all have said and what you all as a group think. Then all of you will leave and I will finish up the therapy session."_

_They all nodded in agreement then left._

"_If this doesn't help his NPD… I don't know what will…" Cherry sighed._

"Are we quite ready?" Cell was irritated. He had shown up early but Cherry seemed to be putting off getting the session finished, talking randomly about the weather and such.

Cherry glanced discreetly at the clock. _2:59. Perfect_, she thought. "Sure, Cell. We have a few visitors at the office today, though. They're all dying to talk to you." She grinned at him and watched his expression go from surprised to confused to cocky.

"The press?" he assumed. "Well what are you waiting for, Miss Hughes? Let them in."

She chuckled a bit under her breath and nodded. "Of course, Cell, of course. The _press_, did you say? Now, I don't remember saying _that_ exactly. But it is people of equal importance, if not greater, to you."

He frowned. "Who is it?"

"You'll see… Hey, guys, come in now!"

Misa poked her head in shyly, staring at the ground. "Mister Cell… Cherry and I stayed with you for a long time – mostly against our will. In that time you took both mine and Cherry's, uhm…" She coughed and blushed, refusing to admit it out loud, but he knew what she was talking about and grinned. "You did this because you insisted that we couldn't love one another. You did this because you were sure we would enjoy it because it was _you_. Mister Cell, it doesn't matter _who_ it was that did it. It didn't have to be you. It could have been anyone. You say you're perfect, Mister Cell, but I've had better sex since you've let us go than I had with you." By the end of her words she had looked up at him with a confident face. "So, Mister Cell, are you _really_ as perfect as you claim?"

Cell sat there, mouth agape, as she spun around on her heel and stomped off. Even Cherry winced. That _was_ a little harsh. Misa must be pretty angry…

Chi-Chi walked in next, staring almost empathetically at Cell. "My problem is almost the same as little Misa's, but not quite. You see Cell, you have given me better sex than my own husband, but you have no feelings. You don't care about how _I_ feel about it, just that you're _better_, like you always claim you are anyway. Cell, you could never have a meaningful relationship, you know that? You automatically assume that when you want someone or something it's yours for the taking with no protest."

"But, my dear…" he started.

"No buts, Cell. That's the way you are. That's the way you've been since you got this new form. Just because you appear perfect on the outside, Cell, does _not_ make you perfect on the inside." Chi-Chi walked away as well.

Cell and Cherry caught each other's eyes and Cherry looked away. For a change the conceited bastard seemed… _hurt_. What had she done?

For the next forty-five minutes this continued. Cherry felt worse and worse with every stab Cell took. If she were more emotional, like Misa, she would have been bawling while watching this. This may even be worse than Cell's murders… They stared straight into his eyes and just kept attacking whereas Cell would have blown them up ages ago.

Who was really the monster here? He had a _disorder_. This type of therapy may help bring him to his senses about his narcissism, but this may develop into another disorder.

By the end she knew what she had to do to insure he would be okay.

"Damnit, I'm not crazy!"

"Says the one in the straightjacket," Cherry muttered, walking out of the asylum she had taken him to. The little imp had tricked him, blindfolding him and whispering sweet nothings in his ear on the ride up. "I'll send the girls to come visit and bring the juniors! See you next week, Cell!" A grin spread across her face as she walked away from the asylum, Cell's furious screams coming from inside.

Ah, yes. This was the _perfect_ revenge…

* * *

Ayane: Ahahahaha! See what I did there?

Cell: (frowns) Miss Ayane… you had another ending in mind…

Ayane: (sweat drops) When talking to Nisiyouri it was discovered Cherry, in fact, would _never_ do something like that, no matter how bad she felt. Plus… this ending is _way_ funnier! xD

Hiei: Hn. Onna's gone mad with power… (smirks) I like it…

Kurama: Review, please!


End file.
